How Soon Is Now?
by Raccoon Loon
Summary: Valentine's Day is coming up and Stiles gets a panic attack leading him to accidentally calling Derek.


Stiles was having a panic attack. He hasn't had them in a long time, not even when all the werewolf business started and the Alpha went around killing people, but somehow the fact that Valentine's Day was coming up was enough to trigger one.

He was alone in his house when the start of the panic attack hit and he's familiar enough with the signs to remember that he needed to relax. He usually called someone to help him calm down and he's kind of glad that his dad was at work and won't be coming home early because he didn't want to worry him. He resisted calling him and instead tried Scott.

The phone rang and he reminded himself that he's cool with it, really. It's just the panic and anxiety welling up. He's okay even if his heart was pounding so hard Stiles thought it would leap right out of his chest and he's sweating even though it's cold out. Scott didn't pick up so he tried a second time and he's started feeling kind of dizzy and unsteady so he lies on his bed. He waited some more before finally admitting that Scott wouldn't pick up because he'was probably too busy with Allison.

He's gasping for breath when he scrolled down his contact list, trying to find someone, anyone to talk to. Stiles breathed deeply and called Scott's mom first but she didn't pick up. He called Danny next but no luck either, and in no way was he desperate enough for Jackson and he didn't want to bother Lydia and no one was picking up and he felt like he's dying and he reminded himself that he's not, it's just a panic attack but his chest hurts and it's getting harder and harder to breathe so he presses down on his phone, not caring who he's calling as long as someone picked up and—

"What?" Derek Hale's voice demanded from the phone and Stiles breathed out in relief.

"Hi! Derek. Derek. Hi, don't hang up," Stiles said, focusing on breathing normally. "Listen, could I just talk to you? Please?"

Derek ignored his question. "Why is your heart beating so fast? Are you in trouble?"

"Nothing, nothing!" Stiles cursed Derek's werewolf hearing. "Just...I need someone to talk to okay? So, uhh, how was your day?"

"Stiles," Derek said, ignoring him yet again. "_What's wrong?_"

"Nothing, it's just—" Stiles swallowed, "just that it's almost Valentine's Day, you know? I have nothing against it but my mom loved Valentine's and always made sure to celebrate it and after she died, I don't know if I should love the holiday because of her or if I should hate it because it reminds me too much of her, and I think my dad feels the same way because whenever Valentine's comes around, he buries himself in work. I don't know if it's because of my mother or because there actually is a lot of crime around Valentine's but he always looks so depressed.

"It's gotten kind of lonely around here because I usually hang with Scott around this time, making fun of couples but now he's one of those couples with Allison. He's so busy with her since Valentine's coming up and he doesn't really hang as much anymore and when he is around, it's to ask what I think about his Valentine plans with Allison. I'm happy for them, really, but I want some time to hang around with my best friend that doesn't revolve around his girlfriend." The words spilled out of Stiles' mouth and he couldn't seem to stop himself. His chest hurt and he just needed to get the words out.

"And Lydia. Lydia is amazing. She's great, she's beautiful and I know more than most people ever will about her, like how intelligent she actually is. But...but if I had to be honest, it's hard to keep chasing after someone who won't even look twice at you. She's gotten friendlier to me, sure, but she has Jackson and they look happy with each other if the ridiculous amount of Valentine's planning is anything to go by. I get jealous of them. And Scott and Allison and it seems like I'm the only one of my friends who's single. I mean, I'm not complaining, it's just—it's just—"

Stiles paused because his mind blanked out. He didn't know what he wanted to say. Stiles hoped Derek already hung up and didn't hear anything that he just said. "Hello? Are you still there?"

"Yes."

"Oh." Stiles gave a nervous laugh. "I don't even know why I'm telling you this."

There's another pause and then, "Sometimes, you just need to tell someone who won't look at you differently because of it."

Stiles nodded, then realized Derek couldn't see him. "Yeah, that makes sense." He's calming down now that he's got his frustrations out and he's getting kind of faint and there's this feeling of embarrassment because he just spilled his heart out to Derek Hale. Oh my god. He wondered why Derek was still on the line. "My dad tells me I'll find someone but it just gets bad sometimes, you know? He tells me that the right one will come along and I'll be happy with them but I just want to ask, when? I'm supposed to be patient and wait and I'm waiting, but how much longer do I have to?" Stiles sighed and he can't stop himself from confessing, "I just get so lonely sometimes."

There's a period of silence and Stiles wondered if Derek already did hung up and he's been talking to himself, which is just sad, when he heard Derek say something so softly, Stiles almost didn't catch it. "I'm lonely too."

And Stiles had to turn that over in his head. He felt completely exhausted now that the adrenaline's gone and he had trouble paying attention to what Derek was saying because it seemed like Derek just told him that he was lonely.

"When I was in New York," Derek started, and his voice sounded soft and intimate, like he's afraid someone else might hear him. "I tried going to bars and clubs. Places where you could hook up with people. And everyone there was making out and enjoying themselves, but I just felt awkward. I went home alone each time. I don't want a relationship just for the sake of it. I want something that's more than just sex and physical attraction."

Stiles could totally relate with that.

"Yeah," Stiles finally said, closing his eyes. "I want that too."

If Derek said anything else, he didn't catch it because he was already fast asleep.

* * *

><p>The next day, Stiles couldn't pay attention in class because he kept thinking about the nervous breakdown he had. All that anxiety had been building up in him and it felt good to let it out but it was embarrassing to let someone else see it. And it was <em>Derek<em> of all people. He was on friendly terms with him but in no way were they close enough for Stiles to spill his guts like he did. Lacrosse practice helped Stiles get his mind off of it, because he didn't really have the ability to think when Coach was yelling at him to pick up the pace or when Jackson tried to tackle him so he could show off.

When Stiles got home, Derek was sitting on his bed, wearing his leather jacket and looking like he was waiting for him.

Before Stiles could freak out, Derek asked, "Do you know what Lupercalia is?"

"Uhh. I think I came across it when I was researching werewolves." Stiles tried to remember. "An old festival that has something to do with sex and wolves or something and Valentine's Day was based on it."

Derek nodded. "Sort of."

"Wait. Valentine's Day is coming soon. Scott's not going to go crazy with lust when it comes, is he? I don't want to be the one to tell him he can't go because he's been really looking forward to it."

"Scott doesn't have to worry about that. Lupercalia affects werewolves like Valentine's Day affects ordinary humans. It's just a holiday."

"Right. That's good." Stiles walked towards the chair in the corner of his room. Standing around got tiring and he wanted to be sitting down if there were any unexpected revalations.

"No, here." Derek grabbed Stiles' arm and pulled him to the bed, on the space next to him. Stiles didn't even have the chance to protest when Derek spoke again. "I mentioned Lupercalia because some werewolves, or at least my family, still celebrate it."

Derek's brow furrowed and Stiles wondered where this was going.

"You were right when you said Lupercalia was about fertility, but it's also about purification. About letting all your worries and fears out. Like last night."

"Last night? You mean when I—when I called you?"

"Yes. My family does...did the purification part the week before Valentine's Day. We celebrated Valentine's like normal, love and sappy romance, but for us, it was also about the bonds between family and pack. The purification...it's usually done between family or pack because they're the people you trust the most. You tell someone all your worries and fears, let them out to someone you trust." Derek looked at Stiles. "You trusted me last night."

Derek seemed to expect an answer and Stiles was suddenly more aware of how close Derek was and what exactly had he gotten himself into this time? "I—well, nobody else was picking up and you were there and I was desperate and I didn't actually _mean to._"

Stiles regretted those words as soon as he said them because he thought he saw a flash of hurt in Derek's eyes.

"That doesn't matter," Derek said. "Even if you didn't mean to call me, you did. And when you did, you trusted me."

Stiles couldn't deny that because he found that he did trust Derek. He's already trusted the guy with his life, but this time seems more personal.

Derek leaned over and his voice was soft, like it was last night when he said he was lonely. "And now I'm trusting you."

Two arms wrapped around him and Stiles froze, finding himself being hugged by Derek Hale. "What—are we—" Stiles hesitated before awkwardly wrapping his own arms around Derek. He can't remember the last time he's had someone this close. It was actually kind of nice to be held like this. "Are we hugging?"

Derek made an agreeing noise at the back of his throat. "That's how these things usually go. Hold on."

Derek rearranged them so they were lying on the bed, which was more comfortable than the position they were in before. Derek was on his back and Stiles was draped over his chest, tucking his head next to Derek's shoulder, their arms around each other. The whole situation was weird, but Stiles was quickly adjusting. He felt Derek's hands moving up and down his back, felt the warmth that was seeping into his body and eventually he relaxed into the embrace.

"I haven't done this in a long time," Derek whispered, his breath ghosting over Stiles' ear. "When you called me last night, it reminded me. Laura wasn't fond of the tradition, and after the fire, I didn't have anyone else to do this with."

Derek continued talking, his voice in that quiet, vulnerable tone and Stiles listened to him tell him about how lonely he was in New York, about his old grief for his family and the fresh grief for his sister, his worries about being an alpha because he was never meant to be one, the stronger instincts and the drive to find a pack to fill the emptiness in his chest.

Stiles listened to Derek bare his soul, feeling the strength of the body that held him, moving his own hands across Derek's body to reassure. It was actually kind of nice to just be held like this. There's this sense of comfort and calm and it felt nice not to be alone. He doesn't know how long Derek talked, but he eventually stopped sometime and they both just lay like that, holding onto each other until Stiles drifted off into sleep.

* * *

><p>Happy Horny Werewolf Day!<p>

Title and inspiration is taken from the song by The Smiths.

This was originally much longer, but I couldn't finish in time. I might put up the continuation if I ever get around to it. Feel free to PM me to bug me about continuing my other stories, or if you just want to talk.


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